Just overheard on the police scanner: “Woman reports a squirrel has fallen and is now impaled on a stick in her backyard.” Our doomed rodent had no idea this morning it would die a grisly, stick-related death and be mocked on Tumblr, all before noon. The indignity of it all.

There’s a lesson here for all of us, folks. And it is don’t climb trees in the cold.